Boiling Frogs, Runaway Trains, and other metaphors for depression

The main symptoms of my depressive episodes show up early. They show up in small, subtle ways, though, building gradually until I suddenly find myself, like the frog sitting in the pot of boiling water, wondering how I got there.Read More »

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I Am Not A Toy

“Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind – even if your voice shakes. When you least expect it, someone may actually listen to what you have to say.”

Maggie Kuhn

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I say what I mean. I have no poker face, and I have worked hard to develop the courage to stand up against injustices when I see them. This makes me a target for a particular type of conversation.Read More »

Grieving

I’ve started and restarted this post half a dozen times in the last six minutes. I can’t figure out how I want to say this. I don’t know how to turn something so sore and angry into something beautiful. I haven’t found the peace within the pain, the life lesson within the loss, that allows me to hold onto this sadness without it burning my hands.Read More »

Fine

“How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Doing well.”

How many times a day do you participate in this exchange? How meaningless does it feel? “How-are-you-I’m-fine” is essentially a long-form “Hello.” It’s not meant to convey any actual expression of internal emotion.Read More »

Between What Was and What Will Be

There’s power in letting go. There are hidden reserves of strength that would be freed by releasing tiny grudges and endless scorekeeping, by putting down the needless weight of unpleasant memories. I keep hearing this. I keep saying this. I believe this to be true, and yet … I can’t find the buckles, the zippers, the scissors (if that’s what it takes) that will detach myself of these things I no longer want.

I think this is the hardest part of working toward an improved relationship with self – this knowing, seeing, constantly feeling how unnecessary my armor is and not yet understanding how to take it off.Read More »