I’ve started and restarted this post half a dozen times in the last six minutes. I can’t figure out how I want to say this. I don’t know how to turn something so sore and angry into something beautiful. I haven’t found the peace within the pain, the life lesson within the loss, that allows me to hold onto this sadness without it burning my hands.Read More »



“How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Doing well.”

How many times a day do you participate in this exchange? How meaningless does it feel? “How-are-you-I’m-fine” is essentially a long-form “Hello.” It’s not meant to convey any actual expression of internal emotion.Read More »

Between What Was and What Will Be

There’s power in letting go. There are hidden reserves of strength that would be freed by releasing tiny grudges and endless scorekeeping, by putting down the needless weight of unpleasant memories. I keep hearing this. I keep saying this. I believe this to be true, and yet … I can’t find the buckles, the zippers, the scissors (if that’s what it takes) that will detach myself of these things I no longer want.

I think this is the hardest part of working toward an improved relationship with self – this knowing, seeing, constantly feeling how unnecessary my armor is and not yet understanding how to take it off.Read More »


When the shadows threaten, I light what candles I have available to me.

I have spent too much time cursing the darkness, stumbling against unseen obstacles and tripping over hazards I long ago forgot I’d placed.

As clouds gather, dimming the bright sunshine of happier days, I gather the small points of light I have come to trust – friends, music, words, ponies – and I set them ritualistically in front of me.

I keep my gaze fastened on these small slivers of the sun, these tiny reminders that dusk always, always gives way to dawn if you hold on long enough, and I breathe.

1/6/18 prompt: light candles in dark places